Only the Good News: Feb. 21, 2012

MATT CAMPBELL/AFP/Getty Images

We look up what’s going on so you don’t have to. Here’s the state of America.

Strip Club Tax Is Much Less Funny When You Find Out Where Its Proceeds Go – Chicago vice tax would benefit Rape Crisis Centers more than lazy comedians.

Older Women Are More Satisfied with Their Sex Lives – You should probably dismiss any notions of cougars dancing through your head right now.

Awesome Guy Builds Solar-Powered Wooden Car – In California, naturally. He’s a retired fire captain, so this car is better than similar models that emit disturbing levels of hippie. 

Couple Gets Married at White Castle — First they start taking Valentine’s reservations, now they’re hosting weddings. How many children have been conceived in their restrooms?

Rolex Thief Found, Kind of Stupid — Like, more stupid than stealing in front of a camera. Stupid enough to hear the cops were looking for him and still be wearing the watch when they arrived.

Cecil Fielder Loves Prince Fielder — If Prince doesn’t return the sentiment, America will fret over baseball’s power to bond fathers & sons for six more weeks of worry.

Colorado Wants to Legalize Gold & Silver Coinage — Proposal to deal with faltering faith in U.S. dollar is to abandon it for precious metals; state intends to tell Treasury  it is just stepping out for a pack of cigarettes.